So Crazy it Just Might Work: Tips from Body Builders!

We are Katie and Tanya. We have resolved to get hawt in 2008. We've got our reasons...Katie has the upcoming big 3-0 and impending fame, and Tanya has a yet-to-be named event in the hopefully not-too-distant future. This blog chronicles our latest trials and tribulations on the road to hawtness (and no, we don't think it is or should be spelled as such, but for all our seriousness of purpose, we always maintain a healthy dose of snarkiness). E-mail us at katieandtanyagethawt (at)gmail(dot)com.

So a few months ago I was retaining water in a really odd way. Well, in that I was retaining water, period, I don’t tend to be the type of person who is bloaty in that fluid retention sort of way. Anyhow, this perturbed me and so of course I got to working on how to get rid of said water retention.

My first Google result were these incredibly priceless tips from a body builder (and by priceless I of course mean largely in the hilarious sense), and it occurred to me that if anyone is going to be more neurotic about their weight and appearance than the average female, it’s going to be a body builder. This has got to be my favorite quote of them all:

“If you are above 7 or 8% body fat and you’re looking to get extremely lean from water loss, it probably won’t happen.”

Because anyone above that is going to require some stomach stapling! I kid, I kid…but doesn’t he make it sound like anything over 8% body fat is hopeless? As you probably know, the “fitness range” of body fat percentage for men is about 14-17%, and for women is 21-24%. So…I probably won’t be reaching for that rainbow of single digit body fat percentage any time soon.

If you are too lazy to click, his suggestions are as follows:

* Drink more water

* Sweat, sweat, sweat

* Pose, pose, pose (heeeeeeeeeee)

* Don’t consume too much salt

* Fiber, fiber, fiber (I am already on it)

* Take dandelion root & drink caffeine

* Tan, tan, tan (um, see below)

* “Give Preparation-H a try!” (also below)

A lot of these are more general knowledge and common sense. Some of these are clearly geared towards, well, body builders. I might get tricked into dabbing some Preparation H under my eyes to get rid of those pesky budding wrinkles, but slathering it all over my body? Not so much. Since tanning is carcinogenic I would be hesitant to endorse that as well, but posing? Posing I like!

- Posted by Tanya

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